RETARD LOVERS, HIT YOUR BACK BUTTON

ok, so i engaged in a rather in-depth debate with a friend tonight. the question at hand: are retards people?

in my opinion, this is a two-sided issue with two strong arguments. the answer, however, becomes clear upon further review.

one side (henceforth to be referred to as "pussies") contends that slowies are, in fact, regular human beings. they're born from human parents and have the standard human diploid number of 46 (but not the downies!). they look moderately human and have some human characteristics. but an open mind would entertain the question, do these traits alone constitute that which makes mankind tick, if you will?

the answer to both questions posed thus far is a decidedly emphatic "no." what makes humans, well, human i guess (aside from that whole opposable thumb deal), is his mental capacity. a human is no more physically imposing than many animals, like bears or sharks or even gentle giants such as the african elephant. what truly sets us apart is the fact that when a bear tries to eat us, we don't punch him in the nose. WE SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE. then he dies and we eat him. it's as simple as that: good, old ingenuity. set up a retard camp in the woods and go back in six months. it'll be nothing but a pile of bones and evidence of excessive drooling. maybe some leftover ketchup rolls, if you threw in an advanced one who could even figure out how to make such a tasty treat.

the VAGItarian with whom i had the conversation which spawned this discourse has a valid reason for one aspect of his stance. he claims that he would not eat a retard (due to his being a pussy). but let me tell you this: i would eat all kinds of retard. if someone said to me, "here you go dude, eat some retard spare ribs," i'd first ask what variety of bbq sauce was used, and then likely consume some tender retard meat.

my point is clear: pussies like boner have it all wrong. retards are clearly subhuman, having a brain capacity well below that of your average chimpanzee. perhaps the issue of whether to eat a slowie or not is a moot point, but i feel that any self-respecting omnivore who accepts his position at the top of the food chain would gladly accept any commonly-consumed cut of meat, regardless of whether it came from the mentally handicapped or your friendly neighborhood veal farm. in a more perfect society, such activities would even be encouraged and noticed, as it does a great deal to help clean up our collective gene pool.

on a related note, i wholeheartedly endorse the state of texas's right to fry up as many 'tarded murderers as they like. damn beureaucrats standing in the way of everyone's fun all the time...

WHAT DO YOU THINK, KIDS? ARE SLOWIES PEOPLE OR WHAT? let's hear what YOU think.

-Tim Swanson